Recently, I have had a few conversations with people, who concern me with their self-perception. When we create in our minds a perception regardless of if it’s towards ourselves or someone else, it’s a label and establishes an identity we assign to them, ourselves or to the situation. Labels cause bias and negative stereotypes creating negative perceptions that equal behaviors are associated with. Perceptions are created by any in-group and assigned to the perceived out-group. Once that social identity has been created and then disseminated through an environment, attitude, or behavior it causes negative reactions which lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. All of these social expectations that we create cause mental chaos for people.
People struggle each day with their personal ideas of success because they’re confused by societal expectations. This is why we pursue education, jobs, mates, because of how we measure our lives to social expectations. We all have the idea that because of social expectations we’re not meeting some milestone in our lives. We use our positioning within our in-groups as a measure of where we are in our lives versus where we perceive that we should be. Each of us has lives that although are different in some way, in reality, they are very much alike. No one feels like they have met the measure of success. In some portion of everyone’s life, even those with great wealth feel that they are missing something just like those who live in poverty. This is why people are easy targets for network marketers who offer lavish rewards for the littlest of effort. We all want something better, and we foolishly tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, and that we should’ve done this instead of that. If our environment taught that we could have better if our efforts matched our goals and to embrace our natural talents instead of teaching that success is only meant for certain people and having us succumb to social expectations of what a measure of life and success means to the world we would all be less psychotic about our perception of success.
Successes should be measured in terms that make sense for the individual. Not everyone can be a doctor, lawyer, surgeon, policeman, etc. truth be known I have always wanted to be skilled at working on engines specifically cars, alas I do not possess those skills. My wife and my mechanic appreciate that I understand I do not have those skills; especially my wife because since I understand I am no mechanic, we save money by taking the car to the mechanic in the first place, therefore, my mechanic appreciates my business allowing me to contribute to his success.
Each of our lives and successes are because of the choices we have made. Failure is a created fallacy by people who want us to think we didn’t meet the social expectation of how our lives should be. No one has failed because failing means that we gave up, stopped or quit. The truth is no one has ever just stopped ever doing anything unless they’re dead. Dead people are not in motion, we the living are in constant motion meaning we are always doing something. People who are moving are working. If you had a business and lost money you did not fail in that business, you simply found out that wasn’t the right place for you or your skills. I would venture to say that you moved on to something more satisfying and productive. I’m not saying we don’t have consequences for our actions because we do, but consequences are not a measure of failure.
Each of us identifies with the measure of success because it is ingrained in our heads from birth. As we grow-up, our environment assigns expectations to us based on our gender and social status. Teachers, clergy, and anyone else in our circle of influence teach you that boys will be brave, the wage earner, tough, and girls will stay at home care for the children, cook and clean. And if we differentiate from that in any way society chastises us for our decisions. Societal roles have changed we as a culture are seeing that men and women can do whatever job they choose to do providing they have that skill set, education, and talent for the job. Yet, people sit in the dark feeling bad because they didn’t meet that societal expectation to success instead of being proud to have stepped away from the mold creating their own path and blazing it for all to see.
I don’t care how old you are, or your gender, why would you want to lose your personal identity to conform to a societal ideal that doesn’t match your talents? Don’t measure your life to mine, your neighbor’s, your parents, your life is not theirs nor was theirs yours. We were all meant to be individualized and possess talents unlike anyone else’s be that individual success, not a social cookie that looks acts and tastes like all the others!
Success is what you decide it is. Not some social expectation.
R Decker
Richard Decker, MSCJ, Ph.D. (expected 2020)
Capella University Doctoral Candidate in Criminal Justice
rdsocriminology 